The last chinese new year is my fist time didn't get any red envolope from my father's family. my parent divorced when I was at elementary school and the curt sentenced children to stay with mother.
Even though we didn't keep contact with my father and their family frequently, only when new year's eve my father would invite me and my brother to eat family reunion dinner at my grandfather's house. My father's family would give me and my brother red envolope for pocket money. So, every years i could get a lot of money from my father and their family.However, my brother was a jerk and rubbish, because he hit my father. The worst thing that has ever happened to me
I remember that event was happened at deep night. I was using computer suddently the phone ringing. my mom answered the phone. It's my father on the phone, he told my mom that
he was hit by your son. My father said my brother and his frends came to his house and asked my father to borrow a car for him. my father refused, because he smelt strong alcohol from my brother. He was so drunk and he was only 17 years old so he couldn't let a drunk and under 20 years old people to drive his car. When my brothe heard he was refused, he became very angry. he said some words to insult my father. My father smack my brother but the action didn't stop my brother. My brother became more furious; he thrown a stone at my father. Certainly, my father run away.
Before that event, every one knew,because my father told to his neighbor and he never invited us to eat reunion dinner.
Jason,
回覆刪除I'm sorry for what happened. It's indeed a terrible event. Compared to your brother, however, you seem to be kind and mild. Good for you. :)
Regarding your writing, the third paragraph is composed in a clear narrative writing style. You have also used time order words properly. Well done.
Apart from that, there are a few mistakes that need to be revised.
1. The last chinese new year is my fist time didn't get any red envolope from my father's family.
==> The last Chinese New Year was the first time I didn't get any.....
2. my parent divorced when I was at elementary school and the curt sentenced children to stay with mother.
==>My parents got divorced when I was studying elementary school...
3. Even though we didn't keep contact with my father and their family frequently, only when new year's eve my father would invite me and my brother to eat family reunion dinner at my grandfather's house.
===>Even though my father didn't keep in touch with us frequently, he usually invited my brother and me over my gradfather's house to eat family reunion dinner on new year's eves.
4. So, every years i could get a lot of money from my father and their family.
==>i --> I
==> every year
5. However, my brother was a jerk and rubbish, because he hit my father.
==> However, all these changed after my brother hit my father. 這樣較順,
或者你可以寫: However, everything changed after my bother, a jerk and rubbish, hit my father.
6. I remember that event was happened at deep night.
==>was happened >> happened
7. I was using computer suddently the phone ringing.
==> At the time, I was using my comuter, and at some point the phone rang.
8. my mom answered the phone.
==>My mom
9. It's my father on the phone, he told my mom that he was hit by your son.
==> It was my father..(過去式的was不縮寫)
==>這兩句沒有連接詞或者可以用分號或句號
==> he was hit by my brother.
10. My father said my brother and his frends came to his house and asked my father to borrow a car for him.
請查borrow跟lend的用法
11. my father refused, because he smelt strong alcohol from my brother.
你開頭都沒大寫
smell的過去式拼錯
12. He was so drunk and he was only 17 years old so he couldn't let a drunk and under 20 years old people to drive his car.
太多he了，第三個he是你爸，請寫出來
13. When my brothe heard he was refused, he became very angry.
==>Being rejected, my brother became very angry.
14. he said some words to insult my father.
又不大寫!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
15. My father smack my brother but the action didn't stop my brother.
smack時態錯了
16. My brother became more furious; he thrown a stone at my father. Certainly, my father run away.
thrown跟run的時態形式都不對
17. Before that event, every one knew,because my father told to his neighbor and he never invited us to eat reunion dinner.
為什麼是before??
everyone請合起來
told his neighbor不是told to